Sort of Humorous

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bkuehn1952
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Sort of Humorous

Postby bkuehn1952 » Mon Apr 25, 2016 3:12 pm

Sort of humorous...


COMMITTEE: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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bkuehn1952
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby bkuehn1952 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:35 am

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy. :o
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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bkuehn1952
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby bkuehn1952 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:36 am

I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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bkuehn1952
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby bkuehn1952 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:36 am

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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legitimatebeef
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby legitimatebeef » Sun Jan 08, 2017 10:45 am

bkuehn1952 wrote:You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.


That is quietly one of the most cynical remarks I have ever heard. :notgood
insufficient data

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DougE
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby DougE » Sat Jan 14, 2017 10:15 am

bkuehn1952 wrote:Sort of humorous...


COMMITTEE: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.


To add a few more, but along the lines of Beef's previously mentioned "unpresidented":

COFFEE (n.): the person upon whom one coughs

FLABBERGASTED (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained

ESPLANADE (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk (my favorite :rofl )

BALDERDASH (n.): a rapidly receding hairline

WILLY-NILLY (adj.): impotent

LYMPH (v.): to walk with a lisp

POKEMAN (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist :o

CIRCUMVENT (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men


Credit: The Washington Post

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gpickin
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby gpickin » Sat Jan 14, 2017 10:22 am

Those are bad, but great.

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bkuehn1952
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby bkuehn1952 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 8:49 am

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I am not fat, I'm just... easier to see.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks !

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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bryan k
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby bryan k » Mon May 01, 2017 11:00 pm

Dude...I can get a free meal on my birthday at Denny's?

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bkuehn1952
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby bkuehn1952 » Mon Jun 05, 2017 12:22 pm

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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bkuehn1952
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Postby bkuehn1952 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:45 am

• Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
• Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
• We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but
they all have to live in the same box.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!


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