Sort of Humorous

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bkuehn1952
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Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Mon Apr 25, 2016 3:12 pm

Sort of humorous...


COMMITTEE: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:35 am

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy. :o
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GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:36 am

I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
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GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:36 am

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.
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GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by legitimatebeef » Sun Jan 08, 2017 10:45 am

bkuehn1952 wrote:You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.
That is quietly one of the most cynical remarks I have ever heard. :notgood
Build a bridge and get over it.

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by DougE » Sat Jan 14, 2017 10:15 am

bkuehn1952 wrote:Sort of humorous...


COMMITTEE: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
To add a few more, but along the lines of Beef's previously mentioned "unpresidented":

COFFEE (n.): the person upon whom one coughs

FLABBERGASTED (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained

ESPLANADE (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk (my favorite :rofl )

BALDERDASH (n.): a rapidly receding hairline

WILLY-NILLY (adj.): impotent

LYMPH (v.): to walk with a lisp

POKEMAN (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist :o

CIRCUMVENT (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men


Credit: The Washington Post

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by gpickin » Sat Jan 14, 2017 10:22 am

Those are bad, but great.

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 8:49 am

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I am not fat, I'm just... easier to see.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks !

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bryan k » Mon May 01, 2017 11:00 pm

Dude...I can get a free meal on my birthday at Denny's?

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Mon Jun 05, 2017 12:22 pm

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:45 am

• Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
• Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
• We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but
they all have to live in the same box.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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bkuehn1952
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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:13 pm

I wondered why the golf ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by jfurr » Tue Oct 31, 2017 11:40 pm

bkuehn1952 wrote:I wondered why the golf ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
mega
I'm gonna hit a provisional
HCP Index :facepalm

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Sun May 20, 2018 7:36 am

If you can smile when things go wrong you have someone in mind to blame.

Take my advice. I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years then we met.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Women sometimes make fools of men but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today but I couldn't find it.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy other times I let her sleep.
Let's Play 36
GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by legitimatebeef » Sun May 20, 2018 11:34 am

I'm actually ok with this "sort of humor" because it reminds me of my grandpa, a tireless joke-email forwarder in his heyday.
Build a bridge and get over it.

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by Duke of Hazards » Tue May 22, 2018 4:54 pm

Bluto did it

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by DougE » Tue May 22, 2018 7:38 pm

Kid has some lag too. Ouch!

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Re: Sort of Humorous

Post by bkuehn1952 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:37 pm

Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex
    You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
      If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique.
        The Ten Commandments do not say anything about golf.
          If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet.
            Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with.
              When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together.
                If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you golf with someone else.
                  When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
                    You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy golf stuff.
                      You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes without getting sued for harassment.
                        There is no such thing as a golf transmitted disease.
                          If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to subscribe to a premium cable channel.
                            Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the rest of your life.
                              Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game.
                                You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the enjoyment of golf.
                                  Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! Is that all you ever think about?”
                                  Let's Play 36
                                  GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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                                  bkuehn1952
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                                  Re: Sort of Humorous

                                  Post by bkuehn1952 » Fri Nov 16, 2018 1:32 pm

                                  Best of Minzey’s Musings (Note: The comments are Professor Minzey's, not mine)
                                  =================================================================================
                                  If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
                                  (Hardly seems worth it.)

                                  If you broke wind consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
                                  (Now that's more like it!)

                                  The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
                                  (O.M.G.!)

                                  A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
                                  (Creepy.)

                                  Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
                                  (Don't try this at home ; maybe at work.)

                                  The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

                                  The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
                                  (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

                                  Butterflies taste with their feet.
                                  (Something I always wanted to know.)

                                  The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

                                  Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
                                  (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

                                  Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
                                  (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

                                  A cat's urine glows under a black light.
                                  (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

                                  An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
                                  (I know some people like that.)

                                  Starfish have no brains.
                                  (I know some people like that, too.)

                                  Polar bears are left-handed.
                                  (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
                                  Let's Play 36
                                  GHIN Handicap: 7.8 … 9.2 … Let’s just say I am around a 14!

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                                  jasonfish11
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                                  Re: Sort of Humorous

                                  Post by jasonfish11 » Mon Nov 19, 2018 7:09 am

                                  Love some good nerd humor.
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                                  Keep it short stupid.

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                                  legitimatebeef
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                                  Re: Sort of Humorous

                                  Post by legitimatebeef » Mon Nov 19, 2018 10:39 am

                                  I don't get it. I thought I understood normal distributions and shit, but maybe I don't. That is ok with me.
                                  Build a bridge and get over it.

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                                  Re: Sort of Humorous

                                  Post by jasonfish11 » Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:55 pm

                                  ok looking back on it, it doesn't say what I thought it did.

                                  I thought it said "Outrage at the idea that there are differences between individuals" which to me would mean that people who don't understand distributions are more likely to be outraged over variance.

                                  But even though that is how I read it, I see now it's worded differently.
                                  Keep it short stupid.

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